An Open Letter to the Stupid People Dear Stupid People, Thank you for showing an interest in my life. Thank you for your congratulations and well wishes on our upcoming retirement and imminent vacation to Mexico. It is truly appreciated and taken in the spirit in which it is given (for the most part). However. Please do not subject me to your idiotic questions and paranoid fears. It annoys me and puts you at great risk of a verbal bitch slapping. While I understand that not everyone can know everything about every possible subject on earth (although I personally am giving it a damn good try) there is a difference between lack of knowledge and outright stupidity and lack of common sense. In future please refrain from asking the following questions and making the following comments: - Do they have running water in the Dominican Republic?
No. No one actually drinks water in the Dominican Republic. Everyone gets all their fluids from eating massive quantities of fruit and recycling their own urine. - Will you have running water in your apartment?
No. Every morning I will have to get up and walk barefoot through the town on dirt streets to the local well. There I will fill a 5 gallon bucket which I will then carry home balanced on my head. (See also question above) - Do they have electricity?
No. Of course not. It's a poverty-stricken backward country, how could they possibly have the technology for generating electricty? When you go to your all-inclusive resorts don't you remember seeing those big buildings off to one side? Well, that's where the midgets live. What midgets you say? Well, the ones who ride the bicycles! See in the Dominican Republic they use teams of midgets on stationary bikes to generate power. All the all-inclusive resorts use them, and if you're really rich in the DR you even have your own team for home use. - Isn't there a lot of crime there?
Guess what sunshine? There's a lot of crime here too! There's crime everywhere! Yes, even here in sleepy CBS. And do you think you'd go walking around parts of St. John's in the middle of the night? Not quite. Crime is - sadly - a fact of life everywhere. - Aren't you afraid after what happened to the tourists who got shot in Mexico? Aren't you afraid after what happened to the couple in the DR? Aren't you afraid after....
Now I know this is probably difficult for you, but I want you to engage the logical, common-sense, non-hysterical part of your brain for a few minutes. I'll give you a little time to get it warmed up, I realize it doesn't get much use. ... ... ... Ready? Now take these facts into consideration. How many Canadian tourists travel to the Carribean and Mexico each year? And how many of them get into trouble? Riiiiiight. Not many. In fact, if you worked it out it's probably less than 1%. Next: Consider for a moment what those tourists who got arrested, assaulted, etc. were doing at the time that they got into trouble. Could it be that maybe they were not behaving themselves in some way? Remember when you visit another country you are there as a guest and you should always behave as such. Be polite, be considerate, be respectful of the people and their customs, and don't do anything illegal! Yes there are plentiful cheap women and drugs and booze. That doesn't mean you should partake - or if you do you can be assured that there may very well be nasty consequences! Now I realize that sometimes shit just happens and people who are completely innocent and minding their own business get mugged or robbed or hurt. The fact is though that that can happen anywhere - even here! You can't life your life always frightened of the "what ifs" or you're not living. - Aren't the people there ...um.... underpriviledged?
No the people there are poor. It's OK to say poor. It's not an insult. They didn't choose to be born into a poor country - shit just happens. And let me tell you - pity is not cool. The people in the Dominican Republic and Mexico may be poor but they are (and rightly so) proud of their respective countries. Newfoundland is the poorest province in Canada - do you want the rest of the country to pity you because of it? Do you think we're less worthy than the rest of Canada? No? Well, then stop thinking that way about the rest of the world. No. I am excited, thrilled, giddy, happy, and full of the spirit of adventure thankyouverymuch. Why be afraid? Yes, it's a poor country. Yes, we're going to be visiting a lot of poor countries. Yes, there is crime. I am well prepared however with a decent brain and a good healthy dose of common sense and the rest will sort itself out. You know what really scares me? Living out my life afraid to go outside my door because of the "what ifs". That's no way to live - that's existing. Now I'm not advocating a holiday in Iraq mind you - there are limits that common sense and sanity insist upon - but at the same time you can't let "what if" rule you. You prepare, you research, you engage your common sense and good manners and then you close your eyes yell "BANZAI" and jump. Go outside the box - who knows? You might just like it! The following isn't actually a question but is a direct quote of something that was said to me yesterday that I need to address: "Good luck on your trip to Mexico. Don't get murdered or arrested" My reply? Fuck you too, you sour bitch. Not everyone is happy for Rennie and I - I realize that. I understand that some people are envious / jealous. However, that doesn't give you the right to act like an ass. You may think you're being witty but in fact all you're doing is showing your true self. And honey, it ain't a pretty picture. And by the way - if you honestly think that your comments (and I'm using the plural of "your" as there have been others making similar statements) bother me you're even more stupid than you just made yourself look. So there you go. You look sour, stupid, and rude. And I'm still going to Mexico. Still going to retire to the sun. So you just wasted your limited mental faculties trying to be nasty - but hey, if it makes you feel better about yourself then go to it and good luck.  In closing just let me say this: If for some reason you are insulted by this letter I advise the following course of action: SUCK IT UP. Yours truly, Lynn 
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Her early birthday present is in August when we're taking her to see Cirque du Soleil. THAT I am really looking forward to!
It's not like we're friends - she's just an occasional client. I probably blew it ettiquette-wise but oh well.